8/13/03
You may have noticed the little rainbow box at the bottom of the home page. It's a free service that allows me to see which search engine and what keywords have referred a browser to our Web site. Don't worry, I can't tell if you've been to my site nor do I want to. I don't like the idea of someone tracking my movements on the Internet so I'll extend the same courtesy to everyone else.
Anyway, someone entered the following words into the Yahoo search engine: howie she see baby do get me goo night sleep baby
My blog was the first match for this search.
I understand why my blog was the first to pop-up. After all, I write about the baby. I write about the baby sleeping. I have a friend named Howie. The blog has "goo" in the title. What I don't get is what this person was after in the first place. Why did he/she think there would be a Web page devoted to howie she see baby do get me goo night sleep baby?
The more I think about it, the more I recall typing things like howie she see baby do get me goo night sleep baby. It was usually when I decided to write a love note or two while doing my best Hunter S. Thompson imitation. However I don't remember ever pointing this type of explosive diarrhea of typestrokes toward a search engine. But who the hell really knows.
I'm thinking this person has been pushed to the edge by a baby. The kind of sleep deprivation those things cause can result in the desperate clawing at a keyboard that produces: howie she see baby do get me goo night sleep baby. I remember night-after-night of interrupted sleep with our first baby. Conversations at work the next day, during that time, would sound something like this:
"Hi, Greg."
"Psht. Hi. Where's your tie?"
"I never wear a tie to work."
"No. No. NO. The tie for the bread. You don't want it to get stale."
"Huh?"
"The twisty thingy for the zerper. Jesus you're a moron. I never realized."
"#@$% you."
See? So you can imagine the crap that would wind up in my word processor. It happened to me. So obviously someone was half out of his/her gourd for lack of sleep and turned to the Internet for answers. Either that or it's an English as a second language issue. Either way I'm positive my blog provided few, if any, solutions but Yahoo seems to think I can be of service. Who am I to argue with the second most important search engine on the Web? The problem is, the only thing I have to offer is this:
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Dear howie she see baby do get me goo night sleep baby person, If you're reading this I strongly recommend that you give yourself up. Soon they'll be firing the teargas canisters into the kitchen and then things are going to get really messy. So put down the detonator for that stupid bomb you fashioned from a Diaper Genie filled with gasoline soaked Pampers. You don't really want to hurt anyone. All you want is a little shut eye and you'll get plenty of that when they process you for evaluation at the hospital. Trust me. It's time to get the baby out of the dishwasher (which isn't as sound proof as you thought, after all). After that all you have to do is take the sofa pillows you've duct taped over your ears off your head (you look even more crazy with them on) and start waving that white flag, or diaper at the police. They'll understand. Really, they're the only ones who could ever understand. Sweet dreams. |